I got a call this morning at 7:30 am from my sister, "Ummmm, are you in jail?" she whispered softly.
As Saturday mornings go, this morning was particularly interesting. Yes, I had rung her and sent her a flurry of incomprehensive texts last night at 10:00 pm, in a state of complete panic. Yes, it had been an emergency of sorts. The police had been called - oh yes - the po po was involved, that was right. But no, I was sorry to say, I was not currently being housed at the Parklea Womens Correctional Facility.
It started with a civilised dinner followed by some slow, leisurely tea-drinking and gummybears (doesn't it always?). Miss B and I had spent the night catching up on the month that was. Laughter was had. Work plans were discussed. Conniving plans may have been hatched. It was a good night. We said our good byes and I hopped into my car and headed home.
As I was driving back with one of those deliriously lovely tea-hangovers and the Christian radio station on blast, I saw the RBT unit. There were hardly any cars on the road, so it seemed only inevitable that the officer and I would lock eyes. Sure enough, up went his arm motioning me to pull over on the side of the road . I pulled over and the officer came to the window.
My window was stuck, it wouldn't wind down. So he just stood there akwardly for a few seconds.
Finally, the window came down and he asked "Can I see your licence?".
"Yep sure" I said handing it to him.
"Hmmm....Do you know your licence is expired?" he asked.
Oh shit, I thought. "Umm no?" I said.
"Well I'm going to have to fine you. "
Ok not great, but it's only a fine, I can deal with that, I thought.
"And you do know that I can't let you drive back home?" he added.
"What!? So what am I supposed to do?" I asked him cocking my head with genuine puzzlement. "Do you have anyone you can call to come and pick you up?" he asked.
I dialled Miss B's number, "B somethings happened". "Are you ok?" she asked. "I'm fine, I got pulled over and I have an expired licence", I explained. " Dont worry I'll be over". I hung up and could see the officer in my rearview mirror coming back. "Look, I've just run a check and this car is also unregistered, I'm going to have to get you to park the car up on the kerb - no one is going to be driving it until its registered".
"What? Are you serious?" I asked.
"Yes and one of your tail lights isn't working"
What the hell I thought? Unregistered car....tail light not working? All I needed was a fag hanging out of my mouth and a wife beater top and I could have easily featured on the next episode of that fucking stupid television series RBT.
Miss B pulled up. Why yes, she told them, yes, she was a friend of the Unlicenced and Unregistered One, coming to pick her up in fact. "Well while you're here, why don't you show us your licence too?", they asked.
I parked the car and walked through the chilly night air and got into B's car. Calm and ever so composed, she had already an action plan in her head, "Look, this is what we'll do..."
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